Sunday, May 30, 2010

What's wrong with my hometown?

I come from a small white Christian town. So you would think we all have the morals of a good small town and what not. But out of my class of 140 so 70ish girls, we've already had greater than 10% of them have kids/have an abortion/get pregnant. I'm sorry but what is wrong with all these people? Is this what our country is coming too, so loose on morals that 19-20 yr olds can get pregnant and have kids when they're not married? Granted one on the girls has gotten married since then. What's really ironic, the two people who have gotten married before getting pregnant are still childless.

My 23 yr old sister is in the same spot, a "devout" chirstian who spouted off after her divorce "I'm not going to have any more kids, or sex again until I'm married." Well, she's pregnant. The guy is 19 and they already broke up and don't even speak to each other any more.

Also, how hard is it to use birth control? I've you're going to sleep around, protect yourself? (I know sometimes it doesn't work, but in the case of my sis, she used nothing.)

It also seems like everyone around me is pregnant too. It must be a big year for kids or something. Anyone else notice a lot of pregnant girls?


Nikki said...

i know how easy it is to judge those around us. I was just like this in high school, thinking I was the "good" "devout" Christian out of my group of friends. They would talk about having sex and stuff and I was always judging them in my mind(you've had sex with four people and you think that's okay!?...for example)

And then I got in an unhealthy relationship when I was 18 with a 21 year old with a reputation. He paid attention to me in a way that no one else had in the past.

He took advantage of me. He "tricked" me into thinking it "wasn't really sex" unless he broke my hymen. And then, when he "accidentally" broke my hymen, it was like "well, we already did it, what's to stop us now?"

He manipulated me. I knew what we were doing was wrong but he would always threaten to leave me when I'd start to feel guilty about what we were doing.

I'd like to think I'm a smart girl, but I was taken by this no good, cheating, slimeball of a boyfriend. He stole my virginity, and my self esteem for awhile.

The one thing I'm thankful for from that experience, is that I'm no longer nearly as judgmental as I once was. I realize how easy it is to get "caught up in the moment" or used, or even raped with out realizing it was rape. Men/boys have a way of convincing women that we actually had asked for it. They have a way of shifting the blame. Too many women look down on themselves when they're not entirely at fault.

I'm sorry that your sister has had a rough go of it, but God has blessed her with a little one that is just as much a gift from him as any other child. Praise God/Allah for your coming niece/nephew and pray for your sister to find peace and consolation in her present situation. Ameen

Muslim&Proud said...

I completely understand the manipulation and peer pressure. I think part of the problem is that it's getting almost acceptable to be a single mom, or have sex as a young teenage.

I also think people need to be smart about their choices. Using birth control when you're not married, or when you're married and not ready to have children. I also realize it's not 100% effective, but people need to try to prevent.

My sister is having a girl, isA. This'll be my fourth niece. I'm excited, but not too much yet, when she's closer to her due date. But then, I'll be in classes so I won't get to see her too much.

NoortheNinjabi said...

There was something on NPR about the difference between red state families and blue state families that might apply here. Basically, red state (republicans) have the family makes adults strategy, whereas blue state (dems) have the adults make families strategy.

Families make adults are lower rates of birth control, often a more "Christian" environment (often responsible for the lack of birth control, as some see it as a sin), and kids getting pregnant. There's also a higher rate of divorce, since the kids grow up and apart if they married their baby daddy.

On the flip side, adults make families are typically college educated, birth control using, dem-voting people. Instead of parenthood making a marriage, a marriage makes parenthood. Here though, the idea of premarital sex isn't a big deal (although it isn't really in the other category either!) and when these people settle down, they are more likely to settle for good.

Anyways, maybe that's what's going on in your community? It's a totally cultural thing; smaller towns breed that mentality much more quickly.

@Nikki, I had a similar experience when I was young. It is still rape and it is still punishable by law. You might want to see a counselor to help you deal.

Muslim&Proud said...

hmm. I never knew that. We're definitely more red town.

The thing I'm also worried about is how the children turn out. If the parents aren't married/not talking to each other, there have been studies that show if can affect the children in the long run (I don't know how accurate they are, but from my experience it seems true.)

emzee said...

its just very sad to see that such things are happening in your small towns. because i myself am from a developing country, pakistan and i know that the western culture through the media has pervasive influence on the entire world... so this immorality is going to keep spreading unless we do something about it..

moreover, it just proves it again, why and how the standards Islam set to matters relevant to this issue such as hijab are so practical and rightly directed.

btw, have a look at this... pretty much like your town